I miss being in love sometimes. The way your heart beats when you think about the person you love. The pleasure you get when you hear their voice. The feeling of hope they seem to inspire in you. It's been more than a year since I felt like that and I wonder if I'll feel that way again. Believe a man when he says I'm beautiful or that he loves me. There aren't too many things I believe in anymore. I've been disappointed to often to believe in anyone other than myself.

I've been thinking about John a lot lately. I think it's because I'm really lonely right now. But I find myself re-living memories of our times together and I wonder where he is and what he's doing. I'm sure he's doing very well. I'm not going to hear from him again. I think I've put that relationship behind me. I just wonder sometimes, if maybe I should have moved to Chicago to be with him. Could I? Maybe if I did it would be easy to forget about him or maybe we would still be together. I don't know, it just bothers me so much that we don't have any closure. We are stuck in limbo. So much for all the things he said on how things changed. I know I'll get past this melancholy mood, I'm just feeling like this because of everything going on right now.