NIcOlAs

Every time I leave his place, I always feel the same . . . empty. Each time I sleep with him, I feel like a piece of me is being chipped away. I don't recognize who I am anymore. There are times I long to cry but the tears won't come. I want to know what goes on inside his head where I am concerned. I want to know if all he sees me as is just an easy lay. Maybe I'm not meant to be loved, or taken seriously or cherished. I HATE feeling this way. So insecure. So tragic. I feel so worthless right now. So hard to even admit someone has got me feeling this way. I promised myself since John, I wouldn't let anyone make me feel this way, but here it is a new day, no John and I feel it. I've broken my promise.
I'm an emotional cripple paralyzed with fear what others will think of my feelings. I'll always be alone because I can't express myself like a normal human being. And it's my fault that the pain consumes me and eats away at me. And I already that I'm submerging myself into that deep place where I'm not allowing him to touch me. Why do I feel so incomplete? And why am I always stuck in these situations? I'll be alone forever.