sAdnESS

I couldn't even begin to tell you why I fell like this. I woke up this morning with a heavy stone in my heart. I can't explain why as I was driving my eyes teared up and why all I really felt like doing was driving until I could fall off the face of the earth. Nothing is going especially wrong in my life right now. Albeit, I have been feeling terribly lonely. My bones ache from the coldness. Other than that, I have been doing really well. I haven't lain awake at night in a long time. I haven't cried myself to sleep for months. I feel like everything was going in the right direction. So why do I feel so sad? Why do I feel so worthless? I feel like my life is spiralling out of control and there is nothing I can do, to ever feel like I'm in control. Is there something wrong with me?

I Don't want to speak to anyone. I don't have anything to say. SILENCE is my only answer. I hate this....I hate this.......I hate this. Nothing makes sense anymore, I doubt it ever will. I'm haunted by images found in a dreamless state. Where fairytales are nightmares in black and white and your doubts chase you.

I haven't allowed myself to think beyond the brink. I won't allow myself to. I'm trying really hard to concentrate to just exist in the moment.