ReGRetS

I wish sometimes, I could blink myself shut. That way when things got too overwhelming, I could shut down for a few hours and not worry about it. Reality fades and dreams take over.

I wish I was strong. If I were, maybe I wouldn't have gone to see John the other day. I wouldn't have thought about the way things used to be and I wouldn't have gone so easily into his arms to re-fall in love with him. And I do. Love Him. Deeply.

Kissing his nicotine-stained lips, felt like getting under a warm blanket after being out in the cold. Safe.

That night I laid beside him and watched him sleep. I didn't know if after this night we would see each other again. I looked into his face and tried to commit it to memory. That way when I got lonely, all I would need to do is close my eyes and he'd appear.

I'm sitting here, trying to be like I was moments before when I had forgotten he existed. Cause now he's too real and he consumes my every thought.