Cold Realization

I'm drowning in a cold divine. You.Sit.There. I wonder sometimes, whether maybe it's just me. I am at fault for allowing myself to be dissected for the world to examine. I wonder what they look at? The deflated lung to the right, the cracked rib, or... the big gaping hole where my heart used to be? It's two o'clock in the morning, but I can't sleep, the walls in my bedroom seem to drown me in silence and it's deafening.

Casidy, you're a strong woman, I keep reminding myself over and over again. But am I? Because all I feel right now is broken and empty. I feel like something has been taken away from me and all I want is to get it back, but I know it's impossible, because it's gone forever. I know in my head I made the right decision and given the chance I would make the same decision, my heart feels differently though.

So I choose today, what I couldn't yesterday. I choose to be free. I choose to be still and allow myself to be immersed in the goodness of the universe...even though I haven't always felt that there was any goodness...even though I've been touched by the edge of evilness...I choose to believe in myself and in my worth...I just hope I can say that tomorrow.