The Past Re-created

My hand was shaking. Get a grip, Casidy I reprimanded myself. This was not a big deal. Finally I knocked on the door, anticipating whether, all the old feelings would come flooding back as if it hadn't been a year since I hadn't seen John. The door slowly crept open.
"Hey Casidy," John said pulling me from the hallway into his arms.
"Hi John," I said to him softly.
He kissed me on the cheek and took my hand to lead me into his room.
He sat down on the chair near the desk and motioned for me to sit on the bed.
"How has everything been with you?" He asked pulling out a cigarette and lighting it.
"I've been fine, I'm just really surprised to hear from you, what's it been? A year?" I asked, knowing the exact time, he walked out of my life.
"No, it hasn't been a year, a lot less." He replied tapping the cigarette in the ashtray.
"What's been going on with you?" I asked him. Why didn't you ever call me? I asked silently.
"Man, Casidy, I've been real busy with work, my life is hectic. I just got promoted to vice-president at my company and the hours have been killing me."
"I understand," I replied. But I didn't, not really.
John got up from the chair and sat next to me, he put his arm around me and drew me closer to him. "Dee, I've missed you a lot, there hasn't been a day I haven't thought about you," he said.
"That's news to me, you never bothered to call me during that entire time."
"I'm going to tell you something, Dee please don't take advantage of me." He looked away from me.
"What?" I demanded. "Just spit it out." I grabbed his face and brought it back.
"I love you Casidy," John said.
I looked at him stunned. A year ago, a moment like this would have bought tears to my eyes. So long had I wanted to hear those words from John. I used to dream where I would be, how I would look when he said those three words. Now, it wasn't so easy to say how I felt. After all it had been a year, I had moved on, established another relationship with someone I felt was very special.

So why was I here?

"John, I don't know what to say---"
"I don't want you to say anything," he interrupted. "I know in the past, I've said a lot of things and maybe my actions haven't backed up the words, but baby you mean the world to me. I need you in my life. Do you think you could give me a chance?"

I sat up and moved to the edge of the bed. "How dare you? I had finally put you to rest and all of a sudden, you call me and expect us to pick up where we left off? What gives you the fucking right? So many nights I laid awake, thinking of you and crying myself to sleep because I found myself in love with you. YOU! You, who never did a thing to deserve my love. But I loved you anyway." I got off the bed and walked to the door, I paused and turned to look at him and I said more softly. "A year ago, I dreamt you said those exact words to me, now it really doesn't matter." With that said I turned and left him on the bed with a stunned look on his face.